I had toilet sex with Tiger Woods

So I'll fess up and will definitely be a man about it: I had toilet sex with Tiger Woods.
I'm the second man to admit it. I've never been a golf enthusiast, never cared much about Tiger Woods's athletic accomplishments. The mere idea of hitting a ball with a stick and going to fetch it b o r e s me.
But once, I had to fly to Minneapolis on a business trip. After a long flight, I found myself answering a call of nature in an airport bathroom. Seated on the throne, doing my business, I could smell a very potent and wild odor stemming from the stall to my right. I thought it must have been that feline-owning Harlem resident who'd gotten back his Bengal tiger and was flying him back home.
There first was a paw touching my foot from under the partition. "He's going to scratch me," I thought. But the paw was playful. Insistingly so. And next thing I knew, Tiger Woods was traversing into my stall obviously seeking to engage in a tranny transgression. First, a courtesy flush; he then started to rub, pur, kiss my neck, scratch my back, wrapping himself around me. I won't say more than a few words about his spiky manhood. It was painful; but I took it as a man. Tiger then produced a screeching sound. He bit me. And I was his. In a thrall to the Tiger's wood, I was oblivious to another drama unfolding next to us. A US Senator was being busted for engaging in toilet sex. I could hear him proclaiming his innocence, "I have a wide stance. I have a wide stance". And so I became one more in Tiger Woods increasingly long list of lovers. Reliving that romp on my rump relieves me. I feel so much cleaner.