I had toilet sex with Tiger Woods

So I'll fess up and will definitely be a man about it: I had toilet sex with Tiger Woods.
I'm the second man to admit it. I've never been a golf enthusiast, never cared much about Tiger Woods's athletic accomplishments. The mere idea of hitting a ball with a stick and going to fetch it b o r e s me.
But once, I had to fly to Minneapolis on a business trip. After a long flight, I found myself answering a call of nature in an airport bathroom. Seated on the throne, doing my business, I could smell a very potent and wild odor stemming from the stall to my right. I thought it must have been that feline-owning Harlem resident who'd gotten back his Bengal tiger and was flying him back home.
There first was a paw touching my foot from under the partition. "He's going to scratch me," I thought. But the paw was playful. Insistingly so. And next thing I knew, Tiger Woods was traversing into my stall obviously seeking to engage in a tranny transgression. First, a courtesy flush; he then started to rub, pur, kiss my neck, scratch my back, wrapping himself around me. I won't say more than a few words about his spiky manhood. It was painful; but I took it as a man. Tiger then produced a screeching sound. He bit me. And I was his. In a thrall to the Tiger's wood, I was oblivious to another drama unfolding next to us. A US Senator was being busted for engaging in toilet sex. I could hear him proclaiming his innocence, "I have a wide stance. I have a wide stance". And so I became one more in Tiger Woods increasingly long list of lovers. Reliving that romp on my rump relieves me. I feel so much cleaner.

PA cops charged with Latino murder cover up

It's all over the news and I certainly hope it will make racists think twice before murdering another human being because of their national origin.

Afghanistan what a f*%$&@*g mess!

Up to 56,000 more contractors are likely to go to Afghanistan as part of the Obama administration's escalation of what it has called a "not only necessary but morally justified" war.
Such contractors have become a permanent escort of any US foreign military intervention and were used extensively in Iraq, where their involvement in combat missions and the brutalization of prisoners and the civilian population have been extensively documented.
If Iraq serves as a model, Obama's Afghani escalation will result in major profits for military contractors, lots of air time for "military experts" known to be spokespeople for the defense establishment, increased killing of innocent civilians, further destruction of the infrastructure, intensified resentment on the part of muslims the world over at seeing the US slaughter their brothers and sisters. And hundreds if not thousands of young men and women coming back home with crippling physical and mental wounds. To face a broken health system and an economy that no longer accepts them. This from the recipient of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize!

We wuz robbed!

So shouted Joe Jacobs, manager of Max Schmelling, after what appeared to be an easy win became instead a Jack Sharkey victory back in 1932. And that's how I feel about Obama. He ran for change and has given us the same. He ran for peace and is now escalating a war, which he claims is "Just." (Wonder has any warmonger ever admitted his war was unjust.) He said he'd close Guantanamo, but that Gulag is still open. He ran for the people against corporate greed and corruption but has surrounded himself with the same corrupt and greedy capitalists that robbed the people. He talked about helping the victims of the recession but instead gave trillions of dollars in taxpayer money to the same banks that caused the economic meltdown, corporations that immediately turned around and gave their CEOs billion dollar bonuses. He promised health care reform and it's becoming clearer by the day that the debate is influenced by the big pharmaceutical companies. We wuz robbed. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Cheated. Lied to. Beguiled. Deluded. Abused. His great eloquence has shown to be nothing more than doublespeak. He's a master manipulator and totally guilty of the coming demoralization and disgust of hundreds of thousands of young people who rejecting the republicans canvassed for Obama.

On self-dentistry and exploding gum

In Mexico, they call them "dientes de inglés" (Englishman teeth). The Simpsons feature a Big Book of British smiles. They are, of course, referring to English mouths. Not that they talk funny and a lot. They do. It's just that their teeth and gums are discolored, crooked, as unhealthy as it can be. Listen to a Briton reading in iambic pentameter -- but don't get too close: it's very likely their breath will stink like the mouth of an Aging Lion. Now it turns out that they perform dentistry on themselves. Holy sh*t!

Move to the Ukraine, where chemistry student Vladimir is busy in an experiment involving explosives. Next to him, two containers: one with explosives, the other one with citric acid where he usually dips his gum (???) before chewing it. Concentrated, poor Vladimir mixes containers and basically loads up the gum, which explodes, blowing off his jaw and killing him soon thereafter.

This is hilarious

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Tiger Woods Newzak
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Say it ain't so, New York Times.

This should have no place in the newspaper of record. It reminds me of years ago, when I'd start to speak English, people would talk to me in a Latino accent. In my book there's only one word for it: racist trash.

Somali fashion, do-it-yourself henna kits, children's books that draw inspiration from the lives of Barack Obama and Sonia Sotomayor: it's not hard to find gifts created for and by people of color this holiday season. Here are some possibilities.

That's what liberals are all about: they know us better than we know ourselves.

One hundred thousand words a day

American consumers are on the verge of an unprecedented data overdose that could basically shut down their systems, turning them into a mass of lobotomized zombies completely unable to function in a world of constant change. That's the only conclusion I can draw from the newly released report How Much Information? 2009 Report on American Consumers, by Roger E. Bohn James E. Short. This report is issued yearly and sponsored by the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation and seven companies, AT&T, Cisco, IBM, Intel, LSI, Oracle, and Seagate, and involves multiple research universities. This from the executive summary:

In 2008, Americans consumed information for about 1.3 trillion hours, an average of almost 12 hours per day. Consumption totaled 3.6 zettabytes and 10,845 trillion words, corresponding to 100,500 words and 34 gigabytes for an average person on an average day. A zettabyte is 10 to the 21st power bytes, a million million gigabytes. These estimates are from an analysis of more than 20 different sources of information, from very old (newspapers and books) to very new (portable computer games, satellite radio, and Internet video). Information at work is not included.
We defined “information” as flows of data delivered to people and we measured the bytes, words, and hours of consumer information. Video sources (moving pictures) dominate bytes of information, with 1.3 zettabytes from television and approximately 2 zettabytes of computer games. If hours or words are used as the measurement, information sources are more widely distributed, with substantial amounts from radio, Internet browsing, and others. All of our results are estimates.

This is far worse than drugs, I think.

Wimpy liberals

They've got no guts, them Liberals. They like the poor, but don't like the smell of them. And former New York Times correspondent Chris Hedges says it better than anything I've heard in quite a long time.

I am not disappointed in Obama. I don’t feel betrayed. I don’t wonder when he is going to be Obama. I did not vote for the man. I vote socialist, which in my case meant Ralph Nader, but could have meant Cynthia McKinney. How can an organization with the oxymoronic title Progressives for Obama even exist? Liberal groups like these make political satire obsolete. Obama was and is a brand. He is a product of the Chicago political machine. He has been skillfully packaged as the new face of the corporate state. I don’t dislike Obama—I would much rather listen to him than his smug and venal predecessor—though I expected nothing but a continuation of the corporate rape of the country. And that is what he has delivered.

I used to read his Gray Lady dispatches from Central America years ago. Chris, you've come a long way baby!

The Tiger likes pussy

Is that news? One of the most successful athletes ever has had several extramarital affairs.

I was thirsty and you gave me drink, Matt 25:35

A US judge has threatened to sentence a man to 25 days in prison for littering after he left out jugs of water for thirsty illegal immigrants in the Arizona desert. A federal jury in June convicted Walt Staton of Tucson of littering in the Buenos Aires National Wildlife Refuge. Staton is a member of the group No More Deaths, which supports humanitarian aid along the border.

Mr Staton was originally ordered to do community service after he was found guilty of littering a wildlife sanctuary near the border with Mexico. He now faces a custodial sentence because he refused to accept that verdict on moral and legal grounds. Brings to mind me some words I hold dearly in my heart,

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me,
36 naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.'
37Then the righteous will answer him and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink?
38When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?
39When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?'
40And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.'

Give back the Nobel Prize Mr Obama

It just dawned on me -- the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize winner is leading the escalation of the War in Afghanistan. There's a major contradiction there. Am I the only one to see it? If the Oslo committee does not have the integrity to take it back. Then Mr Obama should have the decency to give it back. Give peace a chance!

Never too old to learn something

English is my third language (Spanish and French) being first and second. And, although I speak it daily and function competently in it, its wealth of euphemisms and expressions never cease to amaze me.
English is also the one language that I remember not speaking at one point in my life, given that I learned Spanish in the womb (my first words coming out were "Hola") and French at the tender age of 4.
Learning English was not free of difficulties for me. My pronunciation was simply horrid: twisting my vocal chords and tongue, in ways that seemed unnatural. Top that with the constant humiliation sby people mocking and mimicking my accent: rolling Rs, EEs and even calling me "Pedro".
It started to become fun when I got to the curse words. "Mother f***er" horrified me. And the word "F**k" fascinated me: totally versatile -- good for any and all occasions.
I enjoy spending time digging up etymology of words and sources of expressions -- an endeavor that's invariably a lesson in history and human behavior.
I'll say it upfront: I don't like bathroom humor but it will get a laugh out me. In ooking for the origins of the expression "Going Number 2" Google led me to the article Call of Nature by Grant Barret. It's a discussion of the various ways Americans announce their bodily functions. Very didactic indeed. Consider this:

Take a piss. To urinate. This is crude and mainly used by and among men. Not a good one for polite company, nor is take a dump, which means to defecate. The British take or take a slash (urinate) has the same kind of usage: it’s used mainly among men and boys.
Similarly, take a leak and drain the lizard aren’t really all that polite and not likely to be used by or among women except in a joking way..

I must confess that I'd never heard "drain the lizard". (Think I'll do that now.)

John Brown Hanged Dec 2, 1859

One hundred and fifty years ago abolitionist leader John Brown was hanged in Harper's Ferry, Va. Brown was accused and convicted of treason, murder in the fist degree and conspiracy to incite a slave revolt. The charges stemmed from his leadership of a small band of abolitionists in a rebellion that freed some slaves in the area and seized a federal arsenal. His goal was to spark an anti-slavery guerrilla insurgency in the Appalachians that would scare slaveowners into fleeing. At the time of his execution, John Brown was asked if he wanted a clergyman to walk him to the gallows. His answer was that he'd be more honored to be accompanied by a slave woman and her children. John Brown was a true American hero, his life an example of commitment to human dignity.

Dies for a firmer butt what an ass!

Super model and 1994 Miss Argentina, Solange Mangano, died after complications from comestic surgery. According to reports, Mangano, 38 and mother of twins, died of a pulmonary embolism Sunday after the liquid used in her cosmetic surgery went to her lungs and to her brain. Known as a gluteoplasty, the procedure that killed her involves placing implants in the buttocks.